A recent poll done by The Hyman Group has revealed that the cheesy music used in many modern Christian worship services is causing major difficulties for lactose-intolerant church-goers.
Lactose-intolerant parishioner, John Sanders of Huntington, NY, who regularly attends the Grace of God Baptist Church has expressed his difficulty, "I could always handle the hymns like 'Amazing Grace', but this new stuff leaves me in the bathroom for half of the sermon." "One time," he continued, "they started playing that one Avalon song and the pastor got all emotional and started crying, then everyone started dancing. I couldn't hold it back anymore", Sanders lamented. "I think I got some on the people behind me."
But don't think that Catholics are exempt from this problem. Ever since Vatican II, many lactose-intolerant Catholics have had to run out of the sanctuary as soon as they see the worship leader take out the acoustic guitar. "I used to be able to take refuge in the Catholic church," said elderly church-goer Agnes Smith, who remembers what it was like before the controversial liturgical reform. "I always found comfort and peace in the Mass, but now every Sunday I have to pray that my Depends hold out!"
It is estimated that there are over 40 million Americans who are lactose-intolerant. Symptoms of lactose intolerance include bloating, cramps, gas, and diarrhea.
No comments:
Post a Comment