A press release earlier today has revealed that The Blessed Virgin Mary (BVM) is planning to take on a new world tour. This exciting, new tour will include appearances in Canada, Latin America, and, for the first time ever, Antarctica.
The BVM plans on starting the tour with an appearance in Quebec, for which she has spent months studying the local language. The tour will take her south, then across the Atlantic to Africa where she'll make a long trek up through Europe and into Asia. Her final stop will be in Antarctica for the two lonely souls there and a flock of penguins. Over the course of the tour, she plans to appear on 500 pieces of toast, 100 pieces of tarnished wood, and the birthmark of a small child from Nicaragua.
New to this tour will be the inclusion of a special breakfast segment of the tour to celebrate her many appearances on toasted pastries. For thirty days, the BVM will appear on nothing but waffles, toast, and pancakes. "This is an exciting opportunity to do something I'm good at: burning my face onto a slice of pumpernickel."
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